I am a terrible Facebook friend

If you need help with anything, I’ll be there.  If you are sick, I will cook with you.  If you need an emergency babysitter, I will take on your sprogs.  I may not make anything for you at your request, but I will help you do things for yourself.  I will cry with you when you are hurt. I will also laugh hysterically WITH you, when you stuff something up.

BUT …… I don’t recommend being my Facebook friend.

I will not like every single thing you post.  I’ll read it for sure, I will be sympathetic if its sad/bad news, I will be angry if you are, and I will be happy for you if its great news.  But I will not click on a little up-raised thumb to indicate my solidarity with you, and therefore increase FB’s stats on what I might like to have advertised at me.

Games are great.  Play one them myself.  Boring as tit, and very good sleeping encourager.  Not interested in joining the ones you like.  Just saying.

I won’t vote for your beautiful baby.  Oh to be sure, your child is gorgeous, absolutely adorable, cute as a button, and sweet natured to boot.  But, I don’t believe in pageants in the real world, and even less interested in them in the pretend world.  My unwillingness to participate in a poorly disguised data collection exercise, does not make me a bad friend.

I will not like your link or share on my page ……..  the latest charity/disability/disaster meme …. thing.   This is not to say I am a heartless cow that kicks disabled people, doesn’t care about domestic violence, thinks autism is a fad, or secretly opposes marriage equality.    Again, its data collection people, and a risky way to potentially download a trojan.  Its like porn ….. but more socially acceptable.    If you post these pages I will delete and block the sites, with gay and gleeful abandon.    If the post gets tricky, and refuses to be deleted …. you may find yourself unfriended.  Just sayin’.

Motivational posters ……. demotivate me.

De-motivational posters …. are heck funny ….. I may like them.  I may also just laugh a bit, then move on.

Nephew …… keep posting bloody screen shots from your computer game, and I will unfriend you in the real world.

Facebook may be a window into my world, but it is not my whole world.  I will not live vicariously through it, and I refuse to participate in the myriad of little tricks FB plays to try and trap me into it.  So by all means be my friend on FB ….. but if you want friendship, you need to be my friend in the real world too.