Parenting is all about second guessing yourself, and often your choices are just stabs in the dark, with the hope that it works out well. If there was something I feel proud of, its my daughter and her body image.
Quite a few years ago, I realised that the decades long fight with my hormones had made me overly focussed on my body shape. Like all woman I was on a constant diet, fighting with my body, hating my body. But when I looked outside myself, I could see that if I continued that, all I would do is teach my daughter to hate her body. And since she has benefited from her father’s genes, and is reed thin, I couldn’t afford that. So I stopped. I focussed on healthy eating, on whole foods, on eating vegetables because they were good for me, rather than because they were low fat. I am not that much lighter now …. but I am healthier, and fitter. And that will do for now. I started way back in babyhood, with my insistence on demand feeding (not an easy option when you bottlefeed…. it takes practice and observation). As a toddler she was never forced to finish a meal, or eat foods she didn’t like. Of course now, as a young adult, she doesn’t eat the variety I like, but like me I figure she will learn to like vege’s as she gets older. My mother attempted to nickname my child “Twiggy” in reference to her thin build, to which I responded with a threat to teach my child to call her grandmother “Grumpy”. That stopped that one quick smart.
My daughter was a frilly, pretty obsessed child. My sewing skill has developed, mostly on the back of her toddler and childhood obsession with clothing …. the frilly-er and pinker (or yellow when that was the favourite) the better. My girl would insist that she only wear a particular outfit “because it makes me pretty”, but in reality she didn’t connect the clothing with her own prettiness. For her, she loved her clothes, and she thought they were pretty, so therefore they made her pretty. She also thought undies made her pretty, pj’s made her pretty, swimming togs made her pretty, bubbles in the bath made her pretty and occasionally … the dog’s blanket made her pretty. Pretty to her, was an indication of how much she loved an item, rather than an indication of how the item improved her. Now as an adult, she has a very strong sense of her own identity. She still wears clothing because she loves it, but she is not interested in following trends or being a slave to fashion. She wears clothing because it is comfortable, and because she thinks she looks good in them. Her clothing choices are rarely what is “in fashion” …. Hell she wore a patterned CheongSam (?sp) to her year10 formal …… when the rage was solid coloured ball gown designs. Last year (year 12), her choice was a bold floral floor length dress with a black dress jacket, when most of the girls were in floaty mini dresses with killer heels. She will not bow to pressure to be something she isn’t.
I suppose what I am saying, is that don’t discourage your daughters love of pretty ….. but encourage her to not pin it to her self worth. I think I succeeded with this aspect of my parenting ….. I think I should be allowed to gloat just a little.
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