I think preteens are like toddlers ….. all out of control emotions, zero tact filter … and no communication skills to let you know what is stressing them.
This statement doesn’t really mean they hate you, just that their wants are immediate, and their emotions go out of control when you don’t provide instant gratification. This doesn’t mean that we have to pander to our preteen. Just like a toddler, we need to teach our child to communicate what they want, to negotiate how they are going to get it, and to accept that sometimes they won’t win. The key is calm, unemotional interaction. When you take their outbursts personally, you bring your own emotions into a conflict when they are already battling to control their own.
Think about approaching any argument with a break down process:
Follow some clear steps
1. What is it that you want
2. Is it a reasonable request (time, cost, rules)
2a. NO … and here is why.
3. Does it have to be immediately …… if yes why?
4. If I make a promise, can you cope with it … later today/ tomorrow/on the weekend/next holidays?
5. write it on the calendar so I remember, but you understand that if you nag, it becomes an immediate NO.
By doing this, you provide a predictable flow to any negotiation. They know that you won’t always say yes, but they trust that you will treat each request the same way, without getting stressed because their wants are dismissed out of hand.
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